*For comparison. Shell to Table is not affiliated with Raytheon. We simply find the pricing noteworthy and continue to find it noteworthy every single day.
Five steps. Two of them are entirely routine.
Browse 847 dishes. Everything travels inside a pressure-sealed artisanal shell casing rated to 47,000 PSI. Broths are recommended. Leafy salads are not. We tried a Caesar once. We do not talk about the Caesar.
250 specialists begin the 48-hour rig assembly. The kitchen team also gets started. They are the only ones who need to know what's being prepared. The cannon crew does not need to know. Trust the process.
The moment. 800 metres per second. If you are within 47km, you have chosen wisely. If you are not, we appreciate your visit to the website and suggest Deliveroo, which is slower but considerably less exciting.
Follow your order in real time with live altitude, shell temperature, structural integrity score, NATO corridor overlay, and a landing radius displayed as a cheerful dotted circle. Our lawyers describe it differently than we do.
Atmospheric friction heats the shell exterior to several hundred degrees during the arc. Your food arrives piping hot. We call this thermodynamics on the website and an "acceptable operational characteristic" in the Terms of Service.
Real-time delivery status. All times in local Vilnius time. Gunnar is monitoring.
Shell to Table Operations · Powered by Gunnar · Last full system audit: pending · Next audit: pending
Freshness, via the most direct route available.
Three active deliveries shown. This is, to our knowledge, three more than any other ballistic food service is currently operating.
Simulation. Actual operations require 48 hours notice, airspace clearance from three governments, and a firm handshake with the Lithuanian Civil Aviation Authority. Gerald (the cannon) has been informed and is ready.
Enjoy authentic Australian cuisine from the comfort of your European home. Fancy American cheeseburgers in the Middle East? Say no more. Our cross-continent service is currently theoretical. Beautifully theoretical.
We are negotiating overflight rights with 47 countries. 12 have responded. Of those, 11 said no. One said "please stop calling."
UK CAA reviewing. We have submitted 847 pages. They requested 848. We are writing page 848.
UAE GCAA describes our proposal as "unprecedented." We consider this encouraging.
Requires Antarctic airspace. 54 treaty signatories. 47 have responded. All 47 said no. Appealing to the remaining 7.
FAA response: "Absolutely not, and please stop sending cannon diagrams." We are sending more detailed cannon diagrams.
*ETA once operational. Does not include 48-hour crew assembly. Does not include regulatory clearance time. Does not include the Antarctic Treaty problem.
Seamless checkout across all major payment platforms. And one minor one.
*Ammunition casings must be inert, pre-1945, and not currently sought by Interpol. Assessed by Gunnar, ext. 7. Gunnar is currently on leave following an incident during order #0312. His return date is classified. Please allow 3-5 business decades for ammunition processing. Shell to Table accepts no liability for incorrectly declared inertness. See Terms of Service, page 612.
Shell to Table plants one tree per firing. We currently owe the planet approximately 4.2 million trees from testing alone. The reforestation program is fully budgeted in the business plan, which is a document that exists, has been printed once, and is stored in a folder labelled "urgent."
The cannonball is included in every plan. Food is always extra. Gerald's salary is factored into the delivery fee and he is paid well.
VAT excluded. Airspace clearance billed per trajectory. NATO exercise surcharge: +€4,000. Shell to Table accepts no liability for parachute deployment failure. Full Terms of Service: 847 pages. "Food integrity: variable" means food. "Reduced" means most of the food. "Artistically compromised" means the concept of the food. "SLA negotiable" means Gunnar will discuss it when he returns.
We have anticipated most of these. A few surprised us. We have included those too.
Shell to Table has not yet operated. It has, however, generated significant public discourse.
Just tried to order. The website says my building is outside the ±340m landing radius. My neighbour's shed is apparently within range. Should I order to the shed? I have knocked on the shed. The shed did not respond. I am considering this a yes.
This is the Lithuanian Civil Aviation Authority. We have received application STT-2024-847. We will respond within the statutory 14-year review period. Please stop calling Gunnar. Gunnar is one person. Gunnar has feelings.
Floyd here. The food was hot. I stand by my decision not to tip. Four minutes is four minutes. I have since ordered again. The new order is in regulatory review. I am being patient. I am not, in truth, being patient.
I invested €50,000 in Shell to Table's pre-seed round at a €2.4M valuation. Return timeline: Q4 2038. I have adjusted my retirement plans accordingly. My financial advisor has not responded to my last seven emails. I am taking her silence as cautious optimism.
I am Gunnar. I am aware. I am one person. I am doing my best.